What is wrong with me?

I think I have changed

The saplings weren’t meant to see the sunlight

Is it strong enough this time or is its age to be blamed.

Things were ok till some time back

A gentle smile, a happy moment, a nice chat

Busy moments kept distracted

Never let the chariots wheel, feel misaligned

Never let them out of way

Things can still be the same

Horses will lead the chariot through its way

Desires will be met

And tides will limit itself to the bay

But why then is there this anguish, the restlessness, the fear

Why is there control over a tear?

Why is the hand getting shaky?

Why is there no joke when I want to be funny?

Why is the sun reminding itself that it will still come out again?

What is the sun reminding itself that it got no orbit?

Let those who are revolving, rotating

Let them be that way

Why is there reconciliation that this wasn’t the right time?

Why is there a war going on but no cries?

Why am I waiting for answers to my wounds?

When I know the pleasure lies in unconditional giving and unrelenting demise

Can I express this feeling?

Can I find the right words?

Can I get all the emotions together and

Make sure what I meant was clearly heard….

Confusion is no excuse

Neither is the frame of events

My mind’s preoccupation, the nonsense, the expectations

Stock them away

I am not ignoring them

At least……… let me so pretend…

I am game to go all in

I hate so much of you

I didn’t wish for this

I don’t know what to do

I don’t what I want.....Who I am

I don’t know………

I need you

The picture is so hazy

I drew the picture so….

My ride was easy

I drove all night, while headlamps were low

I was headed for the countryside

Baggage I didn’t have, had never been attached

………. lest I should abide

But I lost my path, I lost direction, I chose the direction

And now I don’t know where to go….

They say rest too face this situation

They say you learn on your way

You make choices and get to know yourself

And hence you know your way

I don’t get a good feeling

I don’t behave the way I want

I don’t get a good night’s sleep

My mind, my heart, my soul

Can’t resign to each other’s demands

I am fighting a battle

Can I express this feeling?

Confusion being no excuse

I am game to go all in

The picture is so hazy

Don’t care if rest too face this situation

I don’t get a good feeling

I would rather stand my ground, see it through and lose.

LIFE IN IT - PART 1

I have long been contemplating writing down my feelings and experiences of workin in the Indian IT industry but never really thought of putting it down in a blog...considering it would be read more when compiled in the form of a book and become a best seller..but have not been able to go beyond three pages ..hope this series of blogs go a long way to provide the apt content to make that book i wish to finish..so heres the strt.

I joined Cognizant not because of any particular reason,yes..no reason at all except that it was the first company to come to campus fr placements and I imagined I was the last man to fit in the IT industry..so wanted to test on what basis wud they actually reject me..for there were a lot of reasons to be found..but here I am an year later, hanging on, still not knowing what I am doin here...


few things IT taught me ( would delve in each one in the coming series) :

1 ) u know u made a mistake by choosing IT so does ur neighbour.
2) since u know it... u either quit or do well at it but do not curse IT.. coz on paper; all newspapers and magz fr that matter the IT industry does well, but wen u look at ur bank balance u know it doesnt apply to u.
3) there's life beyond sittin in frnt of the comp ..better keep that in min after 6 o clock every evening..the job can make u forget working hrs.
4) crowd will always be better in the other project ,in the other it company,IN the the other appt,in the other college..let history not repeat..utilize ur resources.
5 ) the english dictionary doesnt run in a loop of conditional templates which require formatting for rewriting the code of onsite initiatives..keep reading beyond those lines of code language
6) the best part of the day need not be while drinking coffee from the coffee machine
7) u can walk to a person and talk all conversations need not be mailed/sent thru msngr
8) u know pens can be used for writing as well.......
...many more to follow.

Gettin Started

finally i am writing moi first blog,had been delaying this for quite a while.never thought it wud get later than sooner..(is this corollary applicable ?)
somehow things appear to be a comedy of errors,trying to breakthrough has pushed things into an ever lasting periodical.
i'll be gettin bck to writing on this page..but there's stuff left undone pushing me back..will get back soon